Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

Rebellion 1999

This show was all over the damn place that it’s almost hard to put all into words.

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Jeff Jarrett (c) def. D’Lo Brown (6:12)

But first, we get to start this show in the weirdest way possible. This was during Jeff Jarrett’s “women are lower than men” gimmick. So he brings out a vacuum cleaner, and he says he’ll pay a woman 1000 pounds (because it’s the UK) to any woman in the crowd to come in and vacuum up some yellow shit in the ring. One woman stupidly takes it, and Jeff puts her in the Figure 4 after she can’t vacuum it up. Then Chyna, whose role is going to be incredibly confusing on this show, walks down to the ring and beats up Jeff Jarrett, so you’d think this makes her a babyface. D’Lo is also the European Champion, so it’s determined by a coin toss, which title will be on the line. This is an average match, that goes back and forth for 6 minutes, but Miss Kitty gets on the apron to distract the referee, and Jarrett hits D’Lo with the vacuum cleaner to retain his title. He then gets on the mic and challenges Chyna to a match later on in the night.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: The Godfather def. Gangrel (6:19)

It’s at this point where I’m thankful that Jerry Lawler isn’t on commentary for this show. The hoes come out with their himmer hommers and then the vampire pervert who fangs and bangs makes his way out. Gangrel wants one of the hoes, but Godfather says “nah.” Gangrel is too weird even for a pimp. Anyway, this match is lame. Godfather starts up the ho train and hits the Pimp Drop to get the win.

My Rating: *

Chyna is doing an interview backstage and accepts Jeff Jarrett’s challenge.

Match 3: Val Venis def. Mark Henry (3:47)

Filler match. Weirdly enough, Mark Henry gets almost no offense. It’s mainly Val Venis hitting and running until he hits the Moneyshot to beat Sexual Chocolate. Lots of perverts on this show already, I’m just now realizing.

My Rating: *1/2

British Bulldog goes to Vince McMahon and demands that he gets the title shot against Triple H that night instead of The Rock. Vince denies him and Bulldog gets frustrated and tosses a trash can at Stephanie, which hits her offscreen.

Match 4: Women’s Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - Ivory (c) def. Jacqueline, Luna & Tori (6:51)

Good god, this was terrible. You can tell this match had no direction at all. They must’ve told them to just go out there without telling them what to do, because none of them looked like they knew what to do or how to work a 4-Way. At least it’s good for laughs. Ivory hits Jackie with the Women’s Title to retain.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 5: Chris Jericho def. Road Dogg (11:58)

An actually decent match. Hey, does everyone remember when Jericho had Mr. Hughes as a bodyguard? Yeah, me neither. Jesse James goes outside and attacks Jericho during his entrance and the match starts as a brawl that goes into the crowd. Jericho takes control in short time by targeting Road Dogg’s back. Road Dogg eventually fights back into the match. But he accidentally hits the referee with a punch after Jericho ducks it. Then Mr. Hughes comes in with a chair and hits Road Dogg in the back with it. The referee comes to and counts the pin, but Road Dogg kicks out. Mr. Hughes distracts the referee while Jericho low blows Road Dogg and wraps him up in a pin.

My Rating: ***

Match 6: Chyna def. Jeff Jarrett via DQ (4:28)

So, here Chyna, who’s a babyface except not really, kicks Jarrett’s ass. Jarrett gets a couple moves in before Chyna gets ready to finish Jarrett off, but British Bulldog runs in, beats up Chyna, causing the DQ. The crowd boos him and he powerslams Chyna. Letting Jarrett put her in the Figure 4. Moving on.

My Rating: *

Match 7: No DQ Match - Kane def. Big Show (8:38)

A match I expected to be decent, but it’s so average. It doesn’t even feel like a No DQ Match until the end. It starts out pretty good, with Kane and Big Show showing off their athleticism. They throw dropkicks at each other. Kane hits an enziguri. But it soon turns into a snoozefest, with Big Show grounding Kane into the mat. After 8 minutes, the No DQ stipulation comes into play when Big Show brings a chair into the ring. He goes to hit Kane with it, but Kane gets his boot up to kick it back into Show’s face and then he pins him after hitting him with a body slam of all things.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 8: British Bulldog def. X-Pac (5:23)

The UK crowd is behind X-Pac and against Bulldog. It’s so weird. This is another average match on this filler show. It gets fast paced at some point, but like the last match, it turns into the heel just grounding the babyface into the mat. X-Pac fights back and hits the Bronco Buster. But Bulldog gets back up, he lifts X-Pac up in a military press, then drops him on his crotch on the top rope. Then Bulldog hits a running Powerslam to win the match.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 9: WWF Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Triple Threat Elimination Match - Edge & Christian def. The Acolytes & The Holly Cousins (8:42)

Yet another match that isn’t worth watching here. The Hollys are the first to be eliminated after Bradshaw pins Crash after a Clothesline From Hell. Then it’s down to them against E&C. The Acolytes beat on Christian and isolate him from Edge for a few minutes. But Christian gets Edge back in there and double team The Acolytes. Christian dives on Faarooq on the outside, while Edge pins Bradshaw on the inside.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship Steel Cage Match - Triple H (c) def. The Rock (20:33)

After a painfully long show, we get to the main event, which was pretty good even if it is incredibly overbooked. The Rock comes out to a massive ovation and cuts an entertaining promo before Triple H comes out. It’s a back and forth match for 10 minutes. It looks like the only way to win this cage match is by escaping, because there’s no referee in the ring. At some point, they both get crotched on the top rope and it’s a standstill. Rock hits a Rock Bottom and tries to get out, but he gets stopped by Triple H, who hits a Pedigree on The Rock. Triple H tries to get out through the door, but The Rock grabs him by the ankles, but Triple H, who’s halfway out the door, reaches down to grab a steel chair, but Earl Hebner on the outside takes it away from Triple H, who punches his lights out. Rock knocks down Triple H and gets out through the door, but the referee is down so he can’t call it. Triple H goes out and they brawl outside the cage. The Rock grabs a steel chair and hits HHH in the head with it. Triple H bleeds, but The Rock grabs a pair of headphones and commentates that it’s monkey piss flowing out of Triple H’s head. Rock throws HHH back in the ring and instead of waking up the referee, he goes back in too and throws Triple H repeatedly into the cage. The referee wakes up, but Bulldog is back. He stops The Rock from escaping at the top of the cage and throws him back in. Bulldog climbs over and he beats up both Rock and Triple H. But Rock low blows him and he hits Triple H with another Rock Bottom and he tries to crawl out through the door. But then Chyna who’s a heel but not really runs down and throws the door into Rock’s face. Triple H tries to escape, but The Rock tries to stop him, but Bulldog gets back up and stops The Rock. Allowing Triple H to escape and retain the title. Vince McMahon makes his way down, locks the cage door, and The Rock beats Bulldog’s ass. A good match, but holy fuck, the overbooking ruins it.

My Rating: ***3/4

Cagematch Rating: 4.40

My Rating: 4/10

This was Vince Russo’s last show in the company before he left to go ruin WCW even more than they already have. And I have to say, thank fuck he was gone. That main event was going well until all the confusing bullshit towards the end. And was Chyna a heel or a face? I still don’t know.

Next is another UK show, and oh fuck, it’s a doozy. Most notable for preceding the infamous plane ride from hell. Insurrextion 2002.

 

[Chris]

Calling Gangrel a vampire pervert killed me haha

 

[Jarf]

Calling Gangrel a vampire pervert killed me haha

I saw the way he was lookin at them hoes lol

 

[Chris]

I saw the way he was lookin at them hoes lol

He was a porn director for a time too

 

[Jarf]

He was a porn director for a time too

He does love the fanging and also the banging

 

[Jarf]

Insurrextion 2002

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Rob Van Dam def. Eddie Guerrero (c) via DQ (11:24)

We start with two of my favorite wrestlers ever. Alright, I’m digging this show already. This was a good match as you can expect from these two, it’s just a shame it has a lame DQ finish. It starts out being a back and forth match between these two for a few minutes, with one of them trying to get one up on the other. But Eddie eventually takes the advantage. He works over RVD’s knee in the match, but RVD is able to fight back into the match after Eddie misses a Frog Splash. It’s fast paced action that doesn’t quite reach that next step it needs to be a great match. Eddie goes outside to grab the IC title and brings it into the ring. He shoves the referee down after he tries to take it from him and that gets him disqualified. RVD ends up hitting Eddie with a kick, then the title and a Five Star Frog Splash after the match.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 2: Trish Stratus & Jacqueline def. Jazz & Molly Holly (7:43)

I’ve heard some cringy commentary over the years, I don’t know if it gets any cringier than in this match. When Trish comes out, Lawler loses his fucking mind. Not only that, but they imply that Molly is a virgin. It’s a shame because this match isn’t really that bad. You have some good wrestlers in this one. Jazz and Molly isolate Jackie from Trish for a while until Trish gets in and she gets beat on for a bit. It begins to pick up towards the end but they gotta take it home, so Jackie and Trish each hit a move on Jazz and Molly and pin them at the same time to win here.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 3: X-Pac def. Bradshaw (8:49)

Even 3 years later, X-Pac is still fucking with Kane. X-Pac comes out wearing Kane’s mask here because the nWo take him out on Raw. He also takes off the second rope turnbuckle pad before the match. It starts out being Bradshaw pummeling X-Pac, until X-Pac rams Bradshaw’s head into the second turnbuckle repeatedly in front of the referee who doesn’t call for the disqualification for some reason. But now Bradshaw is bleeding and X-Pac tries to open the wound even more. Bradshaw begins to fight back and goes to the top rope and Peacock decides to take an ad break at that exact moment. In the middle of the match, I get an ad break. Scott Hall runs down and hits Bradshaw with some nunchucks behind the referee’s back, and Bradshaw somehow kicks out. X-Pac hits Bradshaw with a low blow and an X-Factor thanks to another distraction from Scott Hall.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 4: Hardcore Championship Match - Booker T def. Steven Richards (c) (9:50)

Booker T gets a big reaction from the crowd. He pummels Richards for about 4 minutes with kicks, chops and weapons he finds under the ring. Richards fights back and uses his fair share of weapons such a trash can… and thats it. Then, of course, since it’s a Hardcore Match, he puts Booker in a chinlock. So hardcore. Steven hits Booker with a Stevie Kick, and Booker kicks out. Booker gets back into it and hits a Book End to win the Hardcore Title… for about 10 seconds, because Crash Holly runs out, rolls up Booker from behind and wins the title, then Crash poses with the title in the ring, and gets hit with a Scissors Kick and Booker wins back the title. Back then, Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer run down and jump Booker together. Then they set up a table in the ring, but Booker takes both guys out, before Jazz runs in and low blows Booker, allowing Steven to hit a flapjack Booker onto a table that doesn’t break. Booker kicks out because they gotta redo the spot and this time Booker goes through it and Steven wins back the title.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: The Hardy Boyz def. Brock Lesnar & Shawn Stasiak (6:42)

Here we have The Hardy Boyz taking on the next big thing and Brock Lesnar. Paul Heyman makes it clear to Stasiak before the match that all he and Brock want from him is to stand on the apron and let Brock do his thing. But Brock and Heyman come out first and Stasiak runs behind them during their entrance and charges right into a beating from The Hardyz. Brock saves Stasiak from a double team, drags him over to their corner and tags himself in, and then proceeds to murder Matt Hardy for 3 minutes. But after Brock’s shoulder hits the steel post after Matt dodges him, Stasiak tags himself in and that goes as well as you think. Matt hits him with a Twist of Fate, followed by a Swanton Bomb from Jeff and thats the match, but not the end of the beatdown from Brock. He gets back in and F5s both Hardys before he hits Stasiak with a spinebuster and a spinning powerbomb.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: European Championship Match - Spike Dudley (c) def. William Regal (4:56)

This feels like it was done with the intention of making the UK boo Regal. They have Regal do a pre-match interview where he insults the audience and they boo Spike when he gets offense on Regal. But 2 minutes in, they do an angle where Spike attempts a Dudley Dog where he rolls his ankle. The referee stops the match momentarily, a doctor gets brought out and they begin taking Spike to the back. But Regal goes out, kicks Spike’s ankle and brings him back into the ring to whip his ass for a minute or so. And I would argue that this angle is good… if it wasn’t for the fact that it was Spike Dudley, who’s definitely had it worse and if Regal had won… Spike wins with a lucky small package pin and Regal hits him with some brass knuckles after the match.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 7: Steve Austin def. Big Show (15:00)

Not a bad match, but it goes too long really. First of all, the POS, Ric Flair comes out in a referee shirt and says he’ll be the referee on the outside while Nick Patrick officiates on the inside. Austin is able to keep Big Show on his toes, just kind of using a hit and run strategy. He tells the referee to look into the crowd and then low blows Big Show. But Big Show turns the match in his favor and this is when the match becomes a drag to watch. He dominates Austin for so long, which isn’t so bad. But they got 15 minutes to fill, so it goes on for a while. Austin eventually fights back into it. He Thesz presses Big Show from the second rope and hits him with fists. Big Show clotheslines Nick Patrick and Austin hits a Stunner and makes the cover. Ric Flair runs in to make the count, but X-Pac and Scott Hall pull him out. Then Flair chases them out with two mops and they run from the old man wielding two mops which is hilarious now that I’m typing this out. Kevin Nash sneaks in from the back wielding the nunchucks and hits Big Show with them accidentally. Austin Stuns Nash, then Stuns Big Show again, who stays standing on his feet, and then Austin hits another Stunner that sends Big Show tumbling to the mat. And Austin conquers the giant. Flair comes back out and tries to drink with Austin, and this never goes well for anyone. Austin stuns this asshole and we move on.

My Rating: **3/4

Main Event: Triple H def. The Undertaker (14:31)

This seems like a divisive match. Some reviews on cagematch was saying it was pretty good, and others said not so much. I’m kind of in the middle on this one. It isn’t a bad match, but it isn’t good either. For whatever reason, I couldn’t get into this one. It is pretty much a fight all the way through, but the pace is very slow here. They never really reach that second gear. Triple H irish whips Taker into the ropes and it breaks the top turnbuckle. I don’t think that was supposed to happen because it never comes into play in the match. Triple H attempts a Pedigree, but Undertaker reverses it into a Chokeslam which Triple H kicks out of. Undertaker gets pissed off and goes outside to grab a chair and the referee tries to take it away from, but he gets shoved away and Triple H kicks the chair into Taker’s face. Triple H hits a Pedigree to put this match in the books in a surprising result. Undertaker is getting set for an Undisputed Title Match at Judgment Day so it’s weird that he lost this match. I was expecting Taker to jump HHH after the match, but no, Triple H wins. They lock eyes as Taker goes up the ramp and then the show’s over.

My Rating: **1/2

Cagematch Rating: 4.42

My Rating: 5.5/10

A show that doesn’t really have any particularly bad booking on it, but the card is extremely average. Especially given the fact that the World Champion, Hulk Hogan, isn’t even on the show and the main event feels like it could’ve happened on Raw or SmackDown. I actually liked the tag team match with Brock Lesnar. Continuing that feud with The Hardyz while making him look like a beast. And the opening match was a really good way to start the show. And on the bright side, it's at least short.

Up next is going to be another Insurrextion. Insurrextion 2000.

 

[Jarf]

Insurrextion 2000

Not gonna lie, I watched this earlier this morning before work and I feel like I forgot most of this show, so bear with me on this one.

Match 1: Too Cool def. The Radicalz (Malenko & Saturn) (7:00)

Holy shit, Too Cool is over as fuck in England. No joke, they get a Stone Cold level pop when their music hits. This was a good way to start the show. It has some nice action and it doesn’t feel like it goes too long. Malenko & Saturn Malenko and Saturn isolate Scotty for a short bit, and begin fighting amongst themselves at some point. Scotty makes the tag to Grandmaster, and Scotty gets to hit both Radicalz with a double Worm before Grandmaster hits a leg drop off the top rope on Saturn to get the win. Then Saturn and Malenko fight each other after the match.

My Rating: ***

Now I don’t know if this is a hot take or not, but Vince McMahon is a shit promo. He comes out here and talks about shit that people already know. He talks about what happened at Backlash and how The Rock won the WWF Title. He literally tells us what we already know, he just drops names and talks shit about the country to get a reaction out of the crowd. And that, a good promo does not make. He ends the promo by guaranteeing a “McMahon family member will walk out of that ring as WWF Champion.”

Match 2: Kane def. Bull Buchanan (3:31)

What is there to say about this match other than, it’s a match alright. Bull gets more offense on Kane than I expected him to, even hits him with a Scissors Kick for a 1 count. Couldn’t even get a 2 on his finisher. Bull comes off the top rope and Kane catches him by the throat with one hand and chokeslams him.

My Rating: *

Match 3: Road Dogg def. Bradshaw (5:58)

Bradshaw starts by whooping Road Dogg’s ass and Faarooq joins in, in blatant view of the referee and Bradshaw doesn’t get disqualified. But he does send Faarooq to the back. But Bradshaw doesn’t need Faarooq’s help it seems because he pretty much kicks Road Dogg’s ass this whole match. But Road Dogg manages to hit one Pumphandle Slam at the end and that’s enough to win it.

My Rating: *

Then after this match, we get an arm wrestling contest between The Kat, accompanied by Mae Young, and Terri, accompanied by that POS, Moolah. And Terri has to drag this out by warming up several times and then taking off her shorts because duh. She takes a drink of water and spits it in Kat’s face while they’re arm wrestling and Mae Young dumps water all over Terri, allowing The Kat to win and then, you may notice in that poster up there that it says “contains nudity.” Terri undoes Kat’s bra and Kat’s boobies get exposed… again. All this is officiated by Jerry Lawler by the way because they need to torture me further. But as bad as that was, I immediately take everything back as the next shot I see is of Rikishi’s huge asscheeks.

Match 4: Rikishi & Showkishi def. The Dudley Boyz (7:10)

Showkishi is Big Show but dressed like Rikishi. Yes, Big Show acknowledged the tribal cheeks and followed in his footsteps. This match is pretty lame, it’s just Big Show and Rikishi throwing around the Dudleys for a while. Dudleys momentarily have the advantage and bring out a table that they won’t use. Edge and Christian run down and Christian distracts the referee while Edge Spears Bubba Ray. Then Big Show hits the chokeslam to get the win. Then Too Cool run down and it looks like their all gonna celebrate, but The Dudleys have a problem with how they lost. Grandmaster offers them a peace treaty by handing out the goggles. Bubba throws them down and takes out his glasses and puts them on Grandmaster’s face. So Too Cool and The Dudleys trade glasses basically and they all get down together. Match itself isn’t great but post match was at least entertaining.

My Rating: *

Match 5: Kurt Angle def. Chris Benoit (6:04)

Ah, yes. One of my favorite rivalries ever. Some feuds have some personal stakes and Angle and Benoit were like “yeah, we’re just gonna have good matches.” This match doesn’t really reflect that but once Angle gets this pro wrestling thing fully figured out, they just have classic after classic after classic. This match was heel vs heel so nobody is really invested. Crash Holly also comes out after the entrances and joins commentary and says he’s here to fight an englishman. Benoit starts putting Angle through the ringer quickly, but Angle takes the advantage. Benoit has a disgusting black eye in this match too. Benoit gets Angle in the Crossface and Angle jabs Benoit in the eye before hitting an Angle Slam to take the win.

My Rating: ***

Match 6: Hardcore Championship Match - British Bulldog def. Crash Holly (c) (3:37)

So Crash is here to fight an englishman, and Bulldog’s music hits and he gets a big reaction, which is nice to see after they made his home country boo him at Rebellion. Bulldog runs down and suddenly, we have a Hardcore Title Match. Bulldog hits Crash with mops and chairs and trash cans and Crash gets a couple moves in, but Bulldog puts Crash away with a Running Powerslam. This was Bulldog’s last PPV match, and it’s nice to see him get a positive reaction in his home country.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 7: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The Hardy Boyz def. Edge & Christian (c) via DQ (12:53)

I was expecting this to be pretty good… it’s just alright. E&C isolate Jeff for a short time. Jeff and Edge both go for a running crossbody. Christian gets a cheap shot on Jeff while the referee isn’t looking. But Matt hits a leg drop from the top rope on Edge while the referee is dealing with Christian. The pace quickens after Jeff tags in Matt and they begin double teaming on the two heels. Jeff Hardy hits a Swanton Bomb on Christian, but Edge runs in with the ring bell and hits Jeff and Matt with it. The referee calls for the dq and the bell would ring if they had it. But the Dudleys run in and make the save. They hit Christian with a 3D before they put Edge through a table with a top rope powerbomb.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 8: European Championship Match - Eddie Guerrero (c) def. Chris Jericho (12:56)

Before Rhea and Dominik, there was Eddie and Chyna. Jericho is the Intercontinental Champion in this match, but like they did at Rebellion, they do a coin toss to decide whose title is on the line and Eddie loses. Jericho has the advantage on Eddie early on, and Eddie tries to leave, but Chyna stops him and says “go fight like a man.” That just sends him back into a butt whooping from Jericho. Eddie eventually builds up momentum. They do a really cool spot where Eddie has Jericho in a Gory Special, but Jericho slides down his back and picks Eddie up in his own Gory Special. Eddie sits up on Jericho’s shoulders and Jericho drops him on his sternum. Jericho gets Eddie up in a powerbomb position, and runs towards the ropes, but Eddie hurricanranas him over the top rope and they both tumble over. The referee checks on Eddie who says his back hurts (relatable), but Jericho gets back in the ring and Chyna comes in and hits him with a DDT. Eddie gets back in and covers him, but Jericho kicks out. Jericho hits a Lionsault, but Chyna gets on the apron, and Jericho hits the springboard dropkick that sends Chyna off the apron. But Chyna slid the European Title in the ring and Eddie hits Jericho with it while the referee is distracted. Best match of the night.

My Rating: ***1/4

Main Event: WWF Championship Triple Threat Match - The Rock (c) def. Triple H & Shane McMahon (15:37)

Take a wild guess how this match goes. Triple H and Shane double team Rock for a while before they begin fighting with each other… Oh, I guess there’s more. I guess. So even though this was incredibly predictable, this match wasn’t bad. Vince comes out with Shane and Stephanie comes out with Triple H. There is a fun spot that does go too long, but has a fun payoff. Shane and HHH take turns punching and dancing around The Rock. But The Rock knocks them both down and hits them both with a Dusty Bionic Elbow. Then Triple H slows this match down by putting Rock in a sleeper hold, but Rock grabs a hold of Shane and puts him in a Sleeper Hold while he himself is in the sleeper. Inevitably, Triple H and Shane begin fighting each other, and their fight results in the referee getting knocked down. But Gerald Brisco runs down and Triple H hits The Rock with a Pedigree, but Rock kicks out. Triple H gets pissed and knocks down Brisco. Triple H hits Rock with another Pedigree, and Vince gets in and puts on a referee shirt. But Earl Hebner is here and he pulls Vince out of the ring. Vince chases him around the ring and into the ring, but he runs into a Rock Bottom. Triple H gets crotched by Shane on the top rope and Rock knocks him off. Rock hits Shane with a Spinebuster and then a People’s Elbow to retain the title.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 4.44

My Rating: 3.5/10

For whatever reason, I had more fun with Insurrextion ‘02. Maybe it’s because the matches on that show actually had a story going into it so it feels like they tried a little bit. This is pretty much a certified house show with random matches that they just threw together. It also has a pretty predictable main event. Who could have foreseen that The McMahon’s plan would fall apart because the two heels in the match couldn’t keep their egos in check so the babyface could overcome the odds. It’s a good trope, don’t get me wrong. Not so good if you do it over and over and over again. You can’t say it didn’t work. The crowds back then ate that shit up, but it’s just really lame to me if you do it so much.

Taking a break from my UK show binge next time. We’re going to watch a show from a really bad year in WWE. Over the Limit 2010.

 

[Jarf]

Over the Limit 2010

The cursed PPV. Four people got injured on this show.

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Kofi Kingston def. Drew McIntyre (c) (6:28)

Two guys who people never thought would be WWE Champion who would be WWE Champion eventually. Kofi begins by high flying to throw Drew off his game. Drew takes control for a few minutes and Kofi gets back into the match after Drew comes off the second rope, but Kofi gets his boots up. Drew goes for a Future Shock DDT, but Kofi reverses it into an SOS to win the IC Title. Drew gets on the mic and demands that Teddy Long comes out and reverses the decision. But Matt Hardy, who Drew had been assaulting for weeks comes out and hits Drew with a Twist of Fate.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: R-Truth def. Ted DiBiase Jr. (7:47)

Ted DiBiase tried to make R-Truth his Virgil and that’s why this is happening. But oddly enough, DiBiase ends up managed by the actual Virgil. This match is really boring, but this is when we have our first injury of the night. And I had no idea until I did research on Orton’s injury later that night. But you wouldn’t know it from watching this. DiBiase gets a concussion in this match and I never can tell when it happens or that he even has one. DiBiase gets Truth up on his shoulders for the worst electric chair drop ever where Truth lands on his lower back. I was more concerned for Truth in that moment than DiBiase. Truth hits a Lie Detector to get the win.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 3: If Punk wins, Rey Mysterio will join the Straight Edge Society; if Rey wins, Punk will have his head shaved - Rey Mysterio def. CM Punk (13:49)

This match was great, even if it does get fucked up in the beginning. Punk gets injured early in the match. He gets cut open in the first 2 minutes. And there’s a barber’s chair sitting in front of the ring that is only there for Rey to hit. Punk slides Rey under the bottom rope and he hits the chair. The referee stops the match so the doctor can close Punk’s wound and you can see on Punk’s face, he is annoyed as fuck here. And I’m there with him. The only time you should stop for blood is when they’re losing it at a concerning rate. Punk was just fine here. But this wound is bad enough that it required 13 staples to close. And it stops the match for 2 minutes. And Punk, as soon as they let him, goes quickly back on the attack. Probably to get this match back on track. You can tell these two wanted to put on a show. Even with the match stopped, these two manage to put on a great match filled with many exciting counters and near falls. Punk clings to his hair anytime he almost gets pinned and he almost pins Rey. The ending spot to this is really good too. Rey goes for a springboard moonsault, but Punk catches him on his shoulders in position for the GTS. But Rey squirms out of it and arm drags Punk into the second rope. Rey hits him with the 619 and then goes for the splash, but Punk moves out of the way. Punk attempts a cocky pin, but Rey rolls Punk over on his shoulders and gets the win. The SES run down to try to save Punk and they have handcuffs. Kane comes down to make the save and takes out Punk’s disciples. Rey handcuffs Punk to the ring ropes and gives him probably the most painful haircut ever. Rey grabs a mirror and forces Punk to look at himself and Punk flips the fuck out. A great match despite the stoppage at the beginning.

My Rating: ****

Match 4: Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match - The Hart Dynasty (c) def. Chris Jericho & The Miz (10:41)

A pretty good match here. Jericho and Tyson Kidd by themselves could’ve had some really good matches together because the match was best when they were the legal men. Pretty ironic how on the last show, I watched Davey Boy Smith’s last match on PPV and on this show, I’m watching his son. Jericho has Tyson in a Walls of Jericho, but Tyson makes it to the ropes. Tyson does a springboard into the ring but he gets hit by a Codebreaker! The Hart Dynasty win after hitting a Hart Attack on Miz.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 5: Edge vs. Randy Orton ended in a double countout (12:49)

Here we have injury number 3 of the night. Orton dislocates his shoulder in this match. He hurts it pretty early in the match and it’s clear, that wasn’t the plan because Edge goes after Orton’s midsection for most of the match. This might be the worst match these two have had together. They never really get going. Orton ends up hitting a draping DDT on Edge, and Orton does that thing where he slams his fists into the mat and that’s where he dislocates his shoulder. It’s basically limp for the rest of the match, which is only 2 minutes. They both end up outside the ring, Edge goes for a Spear, but Orton dodges and Edge’s head hits the barricade and they both get counted out. An abrupt end that leaves the crowd confused.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Big Show def. Jack Swagger (c) via DQ (5:04)

Remember Jack Swagger’s World Heavyweight Title reign? Yeah, me neither. He was nowhere near ready to take on that role. Still better than Khali though. So he’s not the worst. That’s good for him at least… Anyway, this match doesn’t go very long and thank fuck for that because this was a drag. Big Show outmuscles Swagger and even outwrestles him at one point. Swagger chops Big Show’s knee at one point and brings him down, but he gets frustrated and goes outside and hits Big Show with the title to get himself DQ’d. Then he goes back out to grab a chair and cracks it over Big Show’s back a couple times before Big Show punches it out of his hands. Big Show beats Swagger with the chair and then chokeslams him onto it and then hits the Knockout Punch.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 7: Divas Championship Match - Eve Torres (c) def. Maryse (5:02)

This is a match alright. It’s nothing really. Maryse. In all honesty, I’ve blocked most of it out. The best thing that I can say about this match is that I can see Maryse… that is all. I don’t even remember how Eve beats her to be honest with you.

My Rating: 1/2*

Main Event: WWE Championship I Quit Match - John Cena (c) def. Batista (20:28)

A much, MUCH better match than the one Cena has at the next year’s Over the Limit. But no joke, they do the same bit at the start where Batista tells Cena to quit before they even start and Cena says “I don’t think so.” To break down this match, they don’t really do a whole lot of spots, but Batista brings an intensity to this match that makes it really fun to watch. Cena at some point gets cut, not terribly, but after Batista puts him through the announce table with a powerslam, the referee stops the match so the doctor can patch him up. It doesn’t take as long as Punk’s did, but this is a fucking I Quit Match! Luckily Batista brilliantly saves the match by telling the doctor to get out of his way and “come back later.” Batista brings Cena up the stairs in the crowd and brings him to a ledge and threatens to throw Cena over if he doesn’t say I Quit. Cena of course, says no, but he escapes the Batista Bomb and throws Batista over the rail. He punches Batista a few times to send him flying into a few security guards who were conveniently standing there to catch him. They eventually make their way to the stage which has a car sitting there. Batista gets into the car which still has the keys apparently, and he backs the car up attempting to hit Cena, but Cena of course moved out of the way. He drags Batista out of the car and AA’s him onto the hood. The referee asks if he quits and Batista says no. Cena says “I was really hoping you would say that.” He picks Batista up on his shoulders on top of the car, looking to AA Batista onto the stage, and Batista says he quits, but Cena throws him anyway and Batista goes through the stage. And some people have criticized this saying “this is the big babyface huh?” But tell me how you would feel if someone tried to hit you with a car. Unfortunately, this is when our 4th injury happens. Batista injures his elbow when he goes through the stage. A really good main event to end the night on. As Cena celebrates, Sheamus sneaks up behind him and hits him with a Brogue Kick when he turns around and then the show goes off the air.

My Rating: ***3/4

Cagematch Rating: 4.45

My Rating: 5.5/10

I would say this is one of the best shows I’ve watched so far. It has some really good matches on it, even when they stop it for blood. But what brings it down is the amount of people who get hurt on it. That’s a failure no matter how you look at it. Not that it’s WWE’s fault. Shit happens.

Alright, lets see what’s next… Fuck! It’s another Insurrextion! There was only 4 Insurrextion PPVs and I’m about to watch my 3rd in 4 days. The last one from 2003.

 

[Jarf]

Insurrextion 2003

This might be one of the laziest cards I’ve ever seen. It’s literally a copy and paste of the Bad Blood PPV happening a week from this show with few differences.

Match 1: Women’s Championship Match - Jazz (c) def. Trish Stratus (10:45)

We kick the show off with a women’s match, which isn’t so crazy today, but it’s a little surprising for this time period. This match is pretty average. Jazz uses her power advantage to punish Trish for most of the match. But Trish uses her athleticism to turn the tides. Trish gets Jazz in an STF, but while she’s in it, Victoria runs down, flanked by some referees who hold her back from getting in the ring. While the official for the match is distracted, Teddy Long gets in, pulls Trish off Jazz and very weakly throws her in to the ring post. But that’s enough for Jazz to beat her.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Christian (c) def. Booker T (15:12)

Solid match. Booker spends most of the early stages of the match whooping Christian’s ass, but the tides turn when Booker goes for a high kick and flies over the ropes and nearly landing head first on the floor. Christian is in control for a while. Booker hits a Scissors Kick over the top rope and Christian falls backward and knocks out the referee. A second ref runs down though. Christian attempts an Unprettier, but Booker gets out of it and rolls up Christian from behind, but Christian rolls Booker over and Christian grabs the ropes to retain the title.

My Rating: ***

After this match, we get a backstage segment where Austin puts Teddy Long in a 6-man tag against the Dudley Boys as punishment for getting involved in Trish’s match. Kane comes out from a room behind Austin and glares at the rattlesnake.

Match 3: World Tag Team Championship Match - Kane & Rob Van Dam (c) def. La Resistance (9:03)

Currently, they’re building up to Kane’s heel turn after he takes off his mask. Austin is trying to bring out Kane’s killer instinct that he thinks Kane lost. This is a decent match. Kane and RVD were a decent team. La Resistance isolate RVD from Kane for a while, but he makes the hot tag to Kane who just takes the newcomers to school. Kane hits a Chokeslam on Rene or Sylvain, I don’t really remember, but then he tags Van Dam back in, who hits a 5 Star Frog Splash to retain.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 4: Goldust def. Rico (9:53)

This match is happening… because I guess. What’s even more confusing is why it goes 10 minutes. This match is so lame that JR and King start talking about mad cow disease and James Bond movies. This match gives them nothing noteworthy to talk about. Goldust hulks up eventually and the match goes on for a few more minutes before Goldust beats Rico with a powerslam.

My Rating: *

Next, they play a tribute video to Freddie Blassie, who recently had passed away. So that was cool to see.

Then after that, is the most entertaining moment of the night. I actually enjoyed this, ‘cause it’s not like there’s any match worth watching on this show. It’s time for Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel with his guest, Eric Bischoff. They insult England before Stone Cold interrupts them. Austin addresses Bischoff, tells Jericho to shut up, then says he’s the host and can butt in anytime he wants. Jericho gets to the point where he names off rock bands and artists from the UK with the crowd saying what. Austin offers to drink a beer with Bischoff and Jericho, and because they’re idiots, they accept the offer. This never goes well for anybody, why would they accept? And guess what, Austin stuns Jericho, then acts like he’ll let Bischoff go, but then he stuns him too.

Match 5: The Dudley Boyz def. Rodney Mack, Christopher Nowinski & Theodore Long (9:15)

Well, this is a match alright. They do one cool spot where Bubba picks Spike up in a military press and tosses him over the top onto Mack and Nowinski. But really, there isn’t much to say about this match other than Teddy gets tagged in eventually, which is stupid of the heel team. The Dudleys win after Rodney accidentally clotheslines Teddy and Spike gets the pin.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: Singles Match with Val Venis as Special Referee - Scott Steiner def. Test (6:49)

Val Venis is the referee in this match because… Fuck if I know. He literally has nothing to do with this feud, he’s just here for some reason. The buildup to this match is Stacy Keibler broke up with Test and got with Steiner, but is contractually obligated to Test. So Stacy’s contract is on the line… at Bad Blood. This match has no stakes. Val introduces Stacy to the ring and she is looking FIIIIIIINE as hell! Shouts out to Stacy. Anyway, this match sucks. Test is in control of most of this match which is a terrible way to book this match. These two are big fuckers who could just have a fight. And you cannot tell me with the way Steiner looks that anyone could ground him for long. Test gets frustrated that he goes outside and grabs a chair, but Stacy gets on the apron and takes it from him, and Test turns back around into a move I can’t remember the move of from Steiner for him to pin Test.

My Rating: *

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Street Fight - Triple H (c) def. Kevin Nash (16:33)

Kevin Nash has Shawn Michaels in his corner and Triple H of course, has Ric Flair in his corner. The chaos starts early. Flair gets involved pretty much immediately, and Shawn is there to take him out. He throws Flair into the ring post and a minute into the match, Flair is bleeding and he’s not even in the match. This feels like a Tornado Tag for the first few minutes because they’re all fighting amongst each other. Flair and Michaels end up going to the back, leaving HHH and Nash out at ringside. Triple H ends up cut after getting a drop toe hold onto the steel steps. Flair comes back out to help Triple H, but Shawn runs back out a minute later and he takes Flair out. He goes for a Sweet Chin Music on HHH, but HHH ducks and hits a Pedigree on Shawn. Kevin then hits a Jackknife Powerbomb on Triple H, but the referee is down and a new one runs down, but Flair pulls him out of the ring and Flair knocks him out. Then Nash drags Flair into the ring and goes for a Jackknife on him now, but Triple H knocks Nash out with a sledgehammer. The referee recovers and counts the pin for HHH to retain.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 4.47

My Rating: 2.5/10

This show sucks for multiple reasons. Not only is this card really lame, but like I said before, most of this card is just pretty much the same as the next PPV they were putting on. The video package for the main event looks like it’s meant to get you more hyped for their match at Bad Blood than here. WWE didn’t even try to put on anything that sets it apart from Bad Blood. The differences between them, you can count on one hand.

Hopefully, I can take a break from UK shows for a bit. The next show will be Battleground 2013.

 

[Jarf]

Battleground 2013

Match 1: World Heavyweight Championship Hardcore Match - Alberto Del Rio (c) def. Rob Van Dam (17:08)

What a weird time this was. After years, Ricardo Rodriguez had been dumped by Del Rio, he joined up with RVD. Now as much as I hate to give Del Rio credit for anything because he’s a scumbag, this was a really good match to start the show. They didn’t do a whole lot, but the stuff they did do was a creative use of the Hardcore Rules. RVD starts being in control because the match is in his favor. But Del Rio is a vicious man and he uses anything he can find against RVD. Van Dam gets a ladder out and he leans it in the corner. He slams Del Rio onto the ladder and hits a split legged moonsault. Del Rio puts RVD in a Cross Armbreaker and Ricardo gets in with a bucket and wails Del Rio for it. Del Rio tosses RVD out and puts the boots to Ricardo. RVD baseball slides the ladder into Del Rio on the outside. Del Rio is now laying underneath a ladder on the outside and RVD hits a Frog Splash from the apron onto the ladder. RVD grabs a chair and he goes for a Van-Terminator! But Del Rio dodges it. Del Rio puts RVD arm in between the chair and stops on the chair repeatedly before he puts RVD in the cross armbreaker with it still in the chair. RVD holds on for a bit, but he’s forced to tap out. Again, really good match, but not quite 4 stars. I feel like it was missing that extra something that propels it there.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 2: The Real Americans def. The Great Khali & Santino Marella (7:11)

A match I was expecting to be much worse, and it isn’t good, but the ending sorta saves it from being terrible. Santino gets his goofy shit in early before the Real Americans isolate him from Khali, but Santino eventually gets the hot tag while Swagger tags in Cesaro. Khali tosses them around shortly. He chops Swagger off the apron and Santino jumps over the rope onto Swagger which was weird to see coming from Santino. But then we get to the moment that I believe was the beginning of Cesaro’s push. Cesaro chops Khali’s knee to bring the giant down before he picks him up by his legs and swings him for 20 seconds! Then Cesaro stacks Khali up for the pin. In my mind, I think Vince saw this and thought “maybe this Cesaro has potential.” It’s a damn shame that he gave up on Cesaro after a while.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - Curtis Axel (c) def. R-Truth (7:36)

Very forgettable match just here to fill time. At least it has a story going into it. R-Truth is older than he looks, I’m pretty sure he’s in his 50s right now, so he was in his 40s here. So commentary at least created a story where Truth is trying to get some more gold under his belt before his time’s over. But this match is really boring. The crowd is so tuned out that they start chanting JBL at some point. It’s an average middle of Raw match where Axel grounds Truth for a while, Truth gets his comeback spot in before Axel puts Truth away.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: Divas Championship Match - AJ Lee (c) def. Brie Bella (6:37)

Kinda like the last match, but this one is better because AJ has far more charisma than Curtis Axel and actually works over a certain part of Brie’s body here. I miss AJ by the way. I think if she hadn’t retired, she could’ve had some great matches. I would’ve loved to see her wrestle against any of the horsewomen. The thought of a promo battle between her and Becky is great. Brie had her sister, Nikki in her corner and AJ had her new bodyguard, Tamina in her corner. Brie takes the fight to AJ early, before AJ takes control by kicking Brie’s legs out on the apron. AJ then spends much of the match taunting Brie and working over her arm. But Brie comes back and looks like she’s about to put AJ away until Tamina puts Nikki in a sleeper on the outside. This distracts Brie long enough for AJ to roll her up from behind to retain.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 5: Tag Team Match with The Rhodes Family’s careers on the line - Cody Rhodes & Goldust def. The Shield (Seth and Roman) (13:54)

What a match this was. Everything about this is perfect. Rarely does WWE knock something out of the park, but this was perfection. The Authority had fired Cody, humiliated Goldust and forced Big Show to knock out Dusty. And they gave them one more chance to get their jobs back by beating the best tag team/stable of the modern era. The story was there, the crowd was hot, and everyone was on their game for this. Seth and Roman had Dean Ambrose in their corner obviously, and Cody and Dustin had their dad in their corner. The Rhodes take the fight to The Shield early, but The Shield take control and isolate Cody from Dustin for a short time, but Cody makes the hot tag to Dustin and he takes the fight to Roman. This defies all logic, but somehow Dustin just gets better in the ring with age. But he goes for a crossbody that Roman dodges and now the Shield have control once again. But eventually, Dustin tags Cody back in and the crowd is firmly behind the Rhodes Brothers! Cody springboards dropkicks Seth and knocks Roman off the apron. Cody hits a Muscle Buster on Seth and goes for the pin that Roman breaks up. Goldust comes back in and he gets knocked down by Roman, but he eats a disaster kick from Cody before he gets clotheslined out of the ring. Dean gets on the apron to distract Cody, who knocks him off, but that distraction allows Seth to knock Cody down from behind. Dusty approaches Dean who kinda laughs, but Dusty throws his cowboy hat at Dean, hits him with his belt buckle and then gives him a Bionic Elbow. At this point, this crowd is losing their minds. Roman tries to get Dusty from behind, but he’s saved by Goldust. Meanwhile in the ring, Cody kicks out of a rollup from Rollins, then ducks a clothesline and reverses it to get in position for the Cross Rhodes that puts this one in the books! What a match! Dusty looks to be in tears of joy on the outside and the entire family embraces in the ring. A bunch of wrestlers from the locker room come out onto the stage to congratulate them with open arms. A legitimately beautiful moment. I’m not sure if this is right or not, but I believe this was the last time Cody and Dustin was on camera with Dusty, so that makes it all the more special in hindsight.

My Rating: ****1/2

Match 6: Bray Wyatt def. Kofi Kingston (8:27)

So then, Bray and Kofi have the unenviable task of having to follow that. This isn’t a bad match, it’s perfectly fine. Bray Wyatt was still fresh at this point. He controls Kofi for a while, but Kofi manages to mount a nice comeback, including a spot where he dives on all three members of the Wyatts. Kofi attempts to end the match with an SOS, that Bray reverses into a Sister Abigail to get the three count, with no shenanigans surprisingly. See, sometimes the heel can win without cheating. Rowan and Harper come in and Rowan picks up Kofi. He looks to Bray, who gives him a nod and Rowan drops Kofi’s spine over his knee, before throwing him into a Discus Clothesline from Harper.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 7: CM Punk def. Ryback (14:47)

I don’t know how everyone else feels about this storyline. But I absolutely hated it. If nobody remembers this, allow me to refresh your memory. Heyman turned on Punk and cost him Money in the Bank 3 months earlier and Punk swears to get revenge on Heyman, which isn’t so bad. It does lead to that amazing match Punk and Brock had at SummerSlam. But after that, they try to use anything they can think of to drag this shit out. Punk just went out every week and talked about doing the most unspeakable things to Heyman. So violent that there was no way this feud was going to end in anything other than disappointment because there was no way Punk was going to do any of this to Heyman. Heyman recruits Ryback because Brock isn’t available. That’s not the kayfabe reason for this but there’s no doubt that this is why this is happening. This match isn’t good either. Ryback spends most of the match beating on Punk, until Punk begins making a comeback. Heyman gets on the mic and calls himself the best in the world and that distraction lets Ryback attack him from behind. Ryback stiffs Punk on the ropes in front of Heyman. The referee backs Ryback up and while that’s happening, Heyman gets a kendo stick out and goes to hit Punk with it, but the referee turns and sees Heyman with it and reprimands him. But while he does that, Punk low blows Ryback which is enough to keep the big guy down for the three count.

My Rating: **1/4

Main Event: Singles Match for the vacant WWE Championship - Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan ended in a no contest (25:00)

Now, we can’t have a WWE show without something stupid happening. This match was good I would argue. I think this match’s rating on cagematch is only so low because of the finish, and I think that’s a shame because they really worked a very good match here. It does go for too long because Orton works over Bryan for a while, but Bryan picks up the pace and he brings the fight to Orton and it looks like it’s going to be Bryan’s night. It’s a back and forth match for the last 10 minutes. These two had great chemistry, but then again, Bryan has great chemistry with everybody. Towards the end, Orton attempts an RKO, but Bryan throws him off and goes for a kick to the head, but Orton ducks and rolls up Bryan. Who kicks out and reverses the pin into a Yes Lock! But who would run down. The Big Show of course. He pulls the referee out of the ring and knocks him out, Bryan asks him what he’s doing and he gets KO’d too. Then Scott Armstrong runs down and counts as Orton covers him. But Big Show pulls him out next and knocks him out. Then Big Show gets in the ring. Orton yells at him and Big Show, and then of course, Big Show knocks him out too. And that’s the how show ends, we get no finish. I hope the PPV money was worth it. A really good match that sadly has a stupid ending.

My Rating: ***1/2

Cagematch Rating: 4.48

My Rating: 6/10

I would argue that this show was going well until the end. Truthfully a whole lot of it are matches that aren’t really PPV worthy. But it does have 3 really good matches on it, one of them being a classic. But wow, with a finish like that, I can see why this PPV gets shit on.

Up next, we’re going back to 1999. Not counting, Over the Edge I’m pretty sure I’ll have watched every PPV from 1999 before any other year at this rate. Next is Unforgiven 1999.

 

[Jarf]

Unforgiven 1999

Vince Russo might be the dumbest man in the history of pro wrestling. And that is saying a lot. I should start by saying that all but one referee is on strike during this show and I wouldn’t bring that up if it doesn’t come into play for the main event.

Match 1: Val Venis def. Steve Blackman (6:33)

Not gonna lie, I’m getting a little sick of seeing Val Venis. This was your typical TV match. Blackman is a legit martial artist and Val Venis is a former pornstar. Venis comes out with Steve Blackman’s duffel bags that Lawler implies Venis filled with dildos and shit. This wasn’t incredibly bad, but it’s very forgettable. Venis wins with a Moneyshot. Then after the match is over, Blackman knocks Venis out with a kendo stick and some doctors are brought out to bring Val to the back.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 2: European Championship Match - D’Lo Brown def. Mark Henry (c) (9:11)

In a shocking turn of events, this match actually has a story to it and isn’t just happening. These two used to best friends and D’Lo tried to help Henry get healthier when Henry’s blood pressure got too high. Honestly, get yourself a friend like D’Lo. But Henry apparently hated that and turned on Brown at SummerSlam. This match isn’t so bad honestly, it isn’t good either though. They do some good stuff in this though because D’Lo picks Henry up for a sit out spinebuster. Henry is in control for most of the match and at the end of the match, Henry does the 10 punches in th corner, but D’Lo walks out of the corner with Henry on his shoulders and drops him with a powerbomb! Then he hits the Lo-Down to get the win.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - Jeff Jarrett (c) def. Chyna via DQ (11:52)

What a confusing, jumbled, overbooked mess this was. This has Vince Russo’s dirty, grimy hands all over it. The first half of the match is nothing really. Jarrett wears down Chyna but Chyna fights back and hits Jeff with a chair in full view of the referee, but this isn’t where the DQ happens because nothing matters. Chyna backdrops Jarrett onto one of the announce tables. But can you guess what happens shortly here. Um, I’ll take ref bump for 500 please. Here is where the chaos begins. Jarrett tells Miss Kitty on the outside to throw in the guitar. Then this next part doesn’t make sense but its at least good for laughs. Mae Young and Moolah get in the ring and start beating up Jeff Jarrett and then hit him with a double suplex. Jarrett clotheslines them both and pushes them out of the ring. Jarrett goes to put Chyna in the Figure 4, but Debra comes down, pushes Miss Kitty over and hits Jeff Jarrett with the guitar. Chyna puts her arm around Jarrett and the referee (who is Harvey Wippleman by the way) counts the pin and Chyna wins the Intercontinental Title! Except no she doesn’t bro! SWERVE! Tom Prichard runs down, plays footage of Debra hitting Jarrett with the guitar so now they suddenly care about the rules and reverse the decision to Jarrett by disqualification. Chyna then Pedigrees Prichard after the match.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: The Acolytes def. The Dudley Boyz (7:28)

I totally forgot that this match happened until I read my notes back. Both of these teams are heels, so the crowd is deader than dead for this match. Instead of letting these teams go at it, they have to work the boring wear down your opponents style. The finish ends up being Stevie Richards hitting D-Von with a superkick and Faarooq covers him to win. Stevie is dressed like the Acolytes and he tries to celebrate with them, but they murder his ass. Faarooq nearly drops him on his head with a Dominator and Bradshaw hits him with a Powerbomb. Then Faarooq shakes Stevie’s limp hand.

My Rating: *

Match 5: Women’s Championship Hardcore Match - Ivory (c) def. Luna Vachon (3:37)

This match is entirely backstage. We see Luna going down a hallway, but she’s jumped from behind by Ivory and a referee shows up and we just have this match now. They don’t do anything particularly great, but Luna looks like a maniac, throwing phones at Ivory, choking with a pole. She throws Ivory onto a pile of boxes and jumps on top of a forklift to hit a splash. Tori eventually shows up, she takes a pole out of Ivory’s hands, but gets knocked down a moment later and that’s it. She had no reason to be here. Ivory hits a pole over Luna’s back to retain the title.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The New Age Outlaws (c) def. Edge & Christian (11:09)

We had a tag match with two heel teams earlier, now we have a tag match between two face teams. The Outlaws recently got back together because reasons. They must’ve made up or something. I just wasn’t into this match. It’s really nothing special. Edge and Christian work over Road Dogg for a large portion of the match. And Jesse James makes the hot tag to Billy and he goes ham for a bit. But The Hardy Boyz and Gangrel run down, they pull Christian out of the ring and beat on him while the referee is tending to Road Dogg, Jeff jumps off the top rope and dropkicks Edge and that allows Billy to hit a Fameasser for the Outlaws to retain their titles.

My Rating: **

Match 7: Hardcore Championship Kennel From Hell Match - Al Snow (c) def. Big Boss Man (11:42)

I hate Vince Russo so fucking much. This is my first time seeing this match and I was really curious to see if it was as bad as everyone says it is. It’s even worse than people say it is. This might just be the worst match I’ve ever seen. In this feud, Big Boss Man killed, skinned and cooked Al Snow’s dog and then fed it to him. And that all lead to this match. So with such personal stakes, you would expect this to be a bloody war. But because it’s Vince Russo, he has to come up with some stupid fucking stipulation! Let me explain this match. There is a normal cage and a hell in a cell around the ring and they have rottweilers outside the normal cage and the way you win is by escaping the cell. It’s basically a more complicated version of the Punjabi Prison Match. One of the rottweilers immediately pisses on the mat. Now I knew this match was gonna suck, but at the very least I thought it would be one of those funny bad matches. There was nothing fun about this match at all. The rottweilers just piss, shit and bark at each other instead of doing what they’re there to do which is keep the two guys from escaping. Boss Man cuts the top of the cell open and Snow climbs over the first cage to the cell wall. Snow drops down and runs out the door to retain the Hardcore Title. What a shitty fucking match!

My Rating: This is the DUDDIEST of DUDS, BRO!

Match 8: X-Pac def. Chris Jericho via DQ (13:10)

Jericho comes out first and cuts a promo and calls the show “boring” and “rough” and A-Fucking right it is. This is the best match of the show so far, but immediately they piss me off because Mr. Hughes clotheslines X-Pac in view of the referee and Jericho doesn’t get DQ’d. He doesn’t even send Hughes to the back. Because nothing matters. Jericho works over X-Pac for a good portion of the match, but X-Pac fights back into and the pace begins to pick up. Jericho irish whips X-Pac to the ropes and X-Pac baseball slides Hughes throw the middle rope. Then he hits a springboard clothesline on Jericho. Jericho gets hung up in a tree of woe on the turnbuckle and X-Pac hits the bronco buster on an upside down Jericho. But then after that, Hughes runs in and attacks X-Pac and now the referee calls for the bell. They continue beating on X-Pac, but Road Dogg runs down to make the save. They chase Jericho and Hughes off.

My Rating: ***

Main Event: 6-Pack Challenge for the vacant WWF Championship with Steve Austin as Special Enforcer - Triple H def. The Rock, Mankind, Kane, Big Show & British Bulldog (20:28)

I was very upset by the video package. I was so excited about this because I’ve seen it before and it was awesome, and I was very disappointed to see they dubbed extremely generic jobber music over Fear Factory and System of a Down. I’m not surprised, but dammit, that sucks. Stone Cold comes out last and goes to the commentary table. I was pretty excited about this match too, I had heard good things. The only thing that sets it back is the tag rules. In a one fall to a finish 6-Pack Challenge, they have to tag in and out. But despite that, these 6 manage to put on an exciting match. The first half is nothing special, but eventually they all go up the entrance ramp to brawl amongst themselves. Even with the tag rules, this feels pretty chaotic. The Rock is the MVP in this match, he’s really the man here. Him and Triple H brawl over to the announce table, The Rock takes the beer out of Austin’s hand. He pours some in his mouth and spits it in HHH’s face. They all do the spot where they get to hit a finisher on someone else, that ends with Mankind hitting the Double Arm DDT on his tag partner, The Rock. Then he puts Mr. Socko on him, but The Rock gets out of it and hits a Rock Bottom. A bunch of referees on strike make their way down to scowl at the official in the match. Big Show tags himself in and hits a Chokeslam on Mankind and the referee counts the pin, but the referees on the outside pull him out and start beating his ass. But Austin gets off commentary, and this is pretty good for laughs. He whoops these referees asses to a comical degree. The Rock hits Triple H with a DDT in the ring and Austin runs in to count the pin and the count is so close that this crowd goes nuts because they thought that was it, but Austin holds up 2 fingers to let the bell keeper know it wasn’t 3. Rock hits Triple H with a Rock Bottom and Austin counts the pin again, but Big Show pulls him out and Austin kicks him in the junk. Bulldog hits Rock with a chair, and Triple H gets ready to hit a Pedigree on The Rock, and Bulldog looks like he’s about to hit Triple H too, but Austin takes it out of his hands and dents the chair over Bulldog’s head. HHH hits Rock with a Pedigree and Austin very hesitantly counts the pinfall. Austin hands Triple H the title, and HHH shoves him. Holding up his title to Austin, but Austin hits him with a Stunner, which, what was he expecting. Even if this match had rules that made no sense, the action was still good and still fun enough for me to give it a 4 star rating.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 4.49

My Rating: 3.5/10

That main event saved this show from getting a lower rating. Holy shit, this show sucked. If it wasn’t for the main event, I was ready to put this show below the other Unforgiven I watched. The booking is confusing. The undercard is boring, and not only that, it has genuinely what might be the worst match ever on it. That Kennel From Hell can die and go back to hell where it came from! Hell, otherwise known as the brain of Vince Russo.

You ready for a bit of controversy? I hope so because next show will be Survivor Series 1997.

 

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 1997

Match 1: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The New Age Outlaws & The Godwinns def. The Headbangers & The New Blackjacks (15:27)

I hate watching the Godwinns wrestle. A lot of this match is the Outlaws letting The Godwinns doing most of the work. Road Dogg, I don’t think gets in until towards the end of the match. Thankfully, Bradshaw eliminates Henry Godwinn a few minutes into the match. Phineas eliminates Barry Windham a minute later. Billy Gunn finally gets in and he eliminates Mosh. Road Dogg finally gets in after Thrasher eliminates Phineas, so it’s just the Outlaws left. Road Dogg eliminates Bradshaw by rolling him up and the referee doesn’t really count 3 but Bradshaw’s out anyway. Road Dogg makes a blind tag to Billy that Thrasher doesn’t see and Thrasher makes an attempt to pin Road Dogg, but Billy comes off the top rope and attempts a leg drop that is nowhere near Thrasher. And the gust of wind was so strong that it must’ve knocked Thrasher out, because that’s how The Outlaws win.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 2: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The Truth Commission def. The Disciples of Apocalypse (9:58)

Holy shit, what a boring ass match. This is the match of sidewalk slams. It’s also a lot of punching. Fun fact for everyone here, The Jackyl, who was normally a manager for the Truth Commission was competing with them, but some people may know him better as Don Callis. Chainz is eliminated first. Then Don Callis is eliminated next, but he goes to join JR and Lawler on commentary. Recon, also known as Bull Buchanan is eliminated next. Both Skull and 8-Ball are next to go, followed by Sniper and then The Interrogator also known as Kurrgan eliminates Crush with a Sidewalk Slam. If it wasn’t for Cagematch having the order of elimination, I could not tell you who went out in what order. This match sucked so hard.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 3: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Team Canada (British Bulldog, Jim Neidhart, Doug Furnas & Phil Lafon) def. Team USA (Vader, Goldust, Marc Mero & Steve Blackman) (17:47)

For everyone here, this was Steve Blackman’s first match in the company. It has to be because he came in as a fan who saved Vader from a beatdown from the Hart Foundation on Raw. By the way, JR makes sure to let us know that only one man on Team Canada was actually born in Canada. Which is ironically funny. Steve Blackman is the first man eliminated by countout. He goes nuts on Team Canada using his martial arts skills. Honestly, I would argue eliminating Blackman early was smart, because if you want him to be a babyface, you don’t want him to get booed, because remember, they are in Canada after all. Vader does most of the work in this match for his team. He eliminates Neidhart and Lafon, but Mero is eliminated by Doug Furnas and now we’re seemingly back to an even playing field. But Goldust refuses to be tagged in. Goldust does literally nothing this whole match. Vader continuously tries to tag Goldust, but Goldust won’t let him. Vader gets fed up, he slaps Goldust as hard as he can, then brings him into the ring. But Goldust just leaves and gets himself counted out. Vader manages to eliminate Furnas, but while the referee is getting him out, Bulldog sneaks in with the ring bell and nails Vader with it to win for Team Canada.

My Rating: ***

Match 4: Kane def. Mankind (9:29)

Kane’s first match (at least as Kane). And man, what a way to make him look like a beast. He looks like an absolute monster. This is pretty much a squash. Mankind gets a few shots in, but Kane brushes everything off. And Mankind was the perfect first opponent for Kane too. Considering Mankind was the first person to make Undertaker look mortal, this was a perfect way to build up Kane for his inevitable showdown with Taker. Kane just wears down Mankind for the first half of the match, he picks up and tosses the ring steps at Mankind’s face while Paul Bearer distracts the referee. Mankind picks Kane and drops him face first on the ring steps. He hits Kane with a piledriver in the ring, before Mankind goes on the apron to put the Mandible Claw on Bearer. But Kane sits up, he grabs Mankind by the throat and throws him back through the spanish announce table! Mankind crawls up the entrance way, but kicks Kane in the dick, then hits him with a DDT. He then goes on the apron and hits a Cactus Jack elbow on Kane. Then Mankind goes back up to the top rope, but Kane gets up, jumps onto the apron and tosses Mankind over his head to the floor below. Kane gets in the ring and Mankind crawls back in and he has nothing left. Kane puts Mankind out of his misery with a Tombstone Piledriver. I really enjoyed this.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 5: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson & The Legion of Doom def. The Nation of Domination (The Rock, Faarooq, D’Lo Brown & Kama Mustafa) (20:34)

A pretty average match, but it never really gets exciting at any point. Hawk is shockingly eliminated by The Rock 2 minutes in. Ahmed Johnson gets in with Faarooq and eliminates the leader of the Nation. But Faarooq gets back at Ahmed. Faarooq holds Ahmed’s feet down on the outside while The Rock pins Ahmed. Ahmed follows Faarooq up the entrance way and they fight to the back. Animal eliminates Kama now it’s 2 on 2. But the New Age Outlaws come out wearing Road Warrior face paint and Road Dogg is wearing one of their spiked shoulder pads. Animal goes out and he gets pocket sanded and gets counted out. Leaving Shamrock with Rock and D’Lo. But he comes back. He puts D’Lo in the ankle lock and makes him tap, but while the referee is getting D’Lo out, The Rock comes in with a chair and hits Shamrock with it. But Shamrock kicks out. They go at it for a few more minutes before Shamrock puts The Rock in the ankle lock and makes him tap out.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: Intercontinental Championship Match - Steve Austin def. Owen Hart (c) (4:04)

You wanna know how on fire Austin was at this time? Even in Canada in 1997 where he’s about to fight one of Canada’s own, he still gets a decent reaction. This is Austin’s return match after nearly having his neck broken at SummerSlam. So Austin was out for payback. I understand why this match was so short. They weren’t sure if Austin was healthy enough to wrestle a long match. Owen comes out with Team Canada, and Neidhart tries to sneak up on Austin, but he gets a Stunner instead. Owen takes advantage and goes to work on Austin. And weirdly enough, he is in control up until the end They repeat the spot that ended in the piledriver at SummerSlam, only Owen doesn’t get him in it, and Austin kicks Owen in the gut, flips him the bird and hits a Stunner to win the IC Title.

My Rating: *1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Shawn Michaels def. Bret Hart (c) (12:11)

And now it’s time for the only thing people remember from this show. There is a lot to talk about here. You thought CM Punk and The Elite had drama? You haven’t seen anything compared to Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels. I’ll start by talking about the action here and leave the story behind this afterward. I wanna start by saying that this actually had a big fight feel, so I can understand why they went through with this match. Shawn starts by jumping Bret and the match doesn’t officially get started until several minutes later because they just fight outside of the ring. It’s mostly Bret kicking Shawn’s ass. These two despised each other in real life so I was wondering if some of those punches were real. A bunch of referees and backstage workers come out and try to tell them to get in the ring. Bret locks eyes with Vince at one point and they go back to the ring and officially the match starts. And the match isn’t much to write home about. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t bad, but they don’t really have a story going, other than they wanna fuck each other up. Bret works over Shawn’s legs while Shawn just tries to survive all while being a massive prick. Bret puts Shawn in a figure 4 around the ring post. Shawn gets Bret down and puts him in the Sharpshooter and then Hebner calls for the bell even though Bret didn’t tap out which I’m sure was confusing for everybody watching at the time. Bret spots Vince on the outside and hawks the biggest loogy ever at his face. Shawn goes outside to Vince and pretends that he had no idea what was happening, grabs his title and he goes backstage with Triple H and the show goes off the air.

My Rating: ***1/2

Cagematch Rating: 4.52

My Rating: 4/10

I’m sure you all know about the story here, where Vince told Hebner to ring the bell to screw Bret out of the title. Because Bret was leaving for WCW, but he didn’t wanna put Shawn over. Now you may be wondering where I stand on this? Truthfully, this is something where I can understand everybody’s side. If I were Vince, I wouldn’t have wanted Bret to leave the company as the champion either. But, I have those people that I absolutely hate too, and if I were Bret, I wouldn’t have wanted to put over Shawn either. Because Shawn was the absolute biggest douchebag on the planet at the time. Especially after he told me he wouldn’t do the same for me. So oddly enough, I can understand where Bret and Vince both were coming from here. But here’s an easy solution, have Bret drop the belt to somebody else. Because if these two hate each other that badly, maybe it’s not such a good idea to make them wrestle each other. They easily could’ve had Bret drop the belt to Taker. Shawn can take it off him at the Rumble where Kane costs him the belt and now we’re back on the track with the real timeline where Kane and Taker have their match and Austin can take the belt off Shawn at Mania. Dust your hands and call it a day. But as we all know with Vince, nothing is allowed to be simple. And I’ve heard some people say that the Montreal Screwjob was necessary for the Mr. McMahon character to be born. I think that those people are wrong. You’re telling me that Vince couldn’t come up with something else that got him over as a heel? Anyway, my overall thoughts on the show, apart from the Kane match and the main event, really boring.

Our next show will be 8 months later, but boy things in the company have changed. In Your House: Fully Loaded.

 

[Jarf]

In Your House 23: Fully Loaded

Match 1: Val Venis def. Jeff Jarrett (7:50)

This is Val’s PPV debut. So he cuts a promo and says he’s gonna do something he’s always wanted to do. And he almost whips his dick out and I have never been so happy to see Jeff Jarrett in my life. Then we have Kaientai come out, the referee sends everyone but Yamaguchi to the back. So if Val is feuding with Kaientai, why isn’t he wrestling one of them instead? Anyway, this match isn’t bad, it’s just unexciting. Jeff Jarrett is able to make an inexperienced Val look good. At some point in this match, Val’s face gets cut so that’s cool I guess. Jeff picks Val up for a powerbomb but doesn’t get him up all the way and nearly drops him on his head. Jeff rolls Val up from behind, but Val keeps rolling to reverse so he gets the pin on Jeff.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: D’Lo Brown def. X-Pac (8:26)

D’Lo is the European Champion. He beat Triple H for it on last Raw with help from The Rock. Just wondering why this match isn’t a title match if D’Lo is going over anyway. This is a better match than the last one. This was at the time when D’Lo was wearing the chest protector. He wears down X-Pac for a lot of the match. But X-Pac is able to turn it around after D’Lo misses a moonsault. The Godfather gets on the apron and hits X-Pac from behind, allowing D’Lo to hit a sitout spinebuster to get the win.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 3: Faarooq & Scorpio def. Bradshaw & Terry Funk (6:51)

So odd to see Faarooq and Bradshaw fighting on opposite sides. Funk does an interview before the match to say he’s taking a break after this match and Bradshaw isn’t happy about that. So Faarooq and Scorpio get along just fine, but Bradshaw is gonna be a whiny lil baby the whole match. Bradshaw at some point “accidentally” kicks Funk after Faarooq moved out of the way. Scorpio ends the match with a 450 splash on Terry. After the match, Bradshaw clotheslines Funk and puts the boots to him. Scorpio comes back down to help Funk, but he gets beat up by Bradshaw on the outside and eats a Clothesline From Hell. Faarooq then comes back down and part of me thinks they’re gonna swerve us and work together, but nah, Bradshaw grabs a chair and wails Faarooq with it.

My Rating: **

Match 4: Mark Henry def. Vader (5:03)

Pretty disappointing match, because Vader was at one time the baddest man on earth, and here he was just another guy on the roster. This match is nothing special, it’s a big man match. Henry’s inexperience shows in this match. He gets a lot of offense on Vader here. Vader gets his shit in, including a splash from the second rope. But Henry finishes things off with a powerslam and a splash.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 5: Disciples of Apocalypse def. LOD 2000 (8:50)

It really bothers me that they put these boring nobodies over one of the greatest tag teams of all time. Paul Ellering had returned and joined up with the DOA to take down LOD. Which is like trading in a Corvette for a Ladybug. The worst part is that DOA is in control for most of this match. They isolate Hawk from Animal for what feels like forever. If you want my thoughts on DOA as wrestlers, Baron Corbin but 4 of them (2 at this point in time I guess) Hawk finally makes the hot tag to Animal who injects some fucking life into this match. They hit the Doomsday Device on one of them, but the pin gets broken up. The DOA pull twin magic and one of them DDT’s Animal to get the win… Sigh.

My Rating: *

The story that’s been going on throughout the night is that The Undertaker hadn’t arrived to the arena yet, so it was unclear if he was gonna be there for the main event, so Vince McMahon comes out with his stooges and cuts another boring promo and appoints a replacement for Undertaker if he doesn’t show up as Austin’s partner… The Brooklyn Brawler. I’d like to think there’s an alternate timeline where Austin had to team up with The Brooklyn Brawler.

Match 6: Dungeon Match with Dan Severn as Special Referee - Owen Hart def. Ken Shamrock (4:53)

My rating for this match is going to expose my taste in wrestling a bit… but I thought this ruled. It doesn’t go very long, but honestly it’s the perfect length for this match. So for those who don’t know what this is, it’s a submission match in the Hart Dungeon. That’s right, Owen and Shamrock fight in Stu Hart’s basement and that doesn’t sound exciting, but this was awesome. They utilize their surroundings pretty well. Slamming each other into the walls. Owen grabs onto a pipe on the ceiling and hurricanranas Shamrock. Owen throws Shamrock into the pipe, before picking him up by the waist and slamming his head into the ceiling which makes a large hole. Owen puts Shamrock in the Sharpshooter, but Shamrock manages to get out of it. He accidentally kicks Severn after Owen dodges. Owen grabs a dumbbell and hits Ken over the head with it. Then puts him in a Crossface and makes Shamrock’s hand hit the floor and Severn calls it. Like I said, it isn’t a long match, but it’s the perfect length because you can only do so much in such a confined space.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 7: Intercontinental Championship 2 Out of 3 Falls Match - The Rock (c) vs. Triple H ended in a time limit draw (30:00)

The match of the night right here. I thought this was a great match. The only drawback is that there is a period of nothing happening because The Rock has Triple H in a rest hold. But this match was still interesting enough. Both DX and The Nation come out with their leaders, but the referee sends everyone back except for Chyna since she’s an actual manager. In the first few minutes, she takes a shot at The Rock while the referee’s back is turned. Mark Henry comes back out while The Rock has the referee distracted and splashes Triple H on the floor. Billy runs down to send him to the back. But the damage is pretty much done. From here, The Rock pretty much has the advantage. While Chyna distracts the ref, complaining about Mark Henry’s interference, The Rock hits HHH with the IC Title, but Triple H kicks out. D’Lo at some point comes back out and he ends up getting crotched on the top and hit with the European Title. But that distraction allows The Rock to hit a Rock Bottom and get the first fall. This is 20 minutes into the match so now there’s only 10 remaining. X-Pac runs through the crowd while Chyna is distracting the ref again and he hits an X-Factor on The Rock. But The Rock kicks out. But Chyna comes in a few minutes later and hits a DDT onto a chair on The Rock and that does it. Now we have 4 minutes left in the match and Triple H gets frantic in the final 2. These two are throwing bombs at each other. And with one minute remaining. The Rock attempts a Rock Bottom but Triple H reverses it into a Pedigree and he goes for the cover, but the referee tells him the time has expired. And The Rock retains on a draw.

My Rating: ****

Up next is the segment Jerry Lawler will jerk off to later. Jacqueline vs Sable in the bikini contest. Now some people may know what happens here, but allow me to to give you the rundown. Jacqueline takes off her robe and dances around in her bikini and my eyes are glued to the screen. Then Sable is up next and I’ll skip all the boring stuff and just get to the part where she takes her top off, not wearing a bikini with hand prints on her titties… Nice.

Oh yeah, and Undertaker showed up before that happened which makes me wonder what the point of that whole story was.

Main Event: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Steve Austin & The Undertaker def. Kane & Mankind (c) (17:28)

It’s a tale as old as time in WWE. “CAN THEY CO-EXIST?” Not really. Austin and Taker are set to go at it at SummerSlam for the WWF Title and Vince put them in this match. It’s also weird to see Kane and Mankind teaming up considering Kane basically murdered him on the last show I watched. The match starts chaotically. Taker meets Austin halfway up the entrance way and Kane and Mankind follow to brawl with them. Austin and Taker hold them down and Austin flips Taker the bird. When Undertaker gets tagged in, he flips Austin the bird. Austin eventually gets back in and Kane and Mankind isolate him from Taker, but not that Taker even wants to be in this match. There’s a couple sick spots where Austin launches Mankind onto one of the announce tables from the apron and wails Kane with a sick chair shot. But other than that, Kane and Mankind whoop Austin’s ass for a while and Taker stands stone faced on the apron. Austin gets to the point where he’s crawling towards Taker so he can make the tag and Taker isn’t reaching out and the crowd boos. Undertaker eventually says “shit” and very reluctantly reaches out to Austin to get the hot tag and the crowd goes nuts. He wails on Kane and Mankind with punches. He hits a Chokeslam on both of them and a Tombstone on Kane while Austin waylaids Mankind with a clothesline while Undertaker makes the pin and they’re the new Tag Team Champions. But Undertaker leaves with both titles as the show goes off the air.

My Rating: ***1/2

Cagematch Rating: 4.53

My Rating: 5.5/10

So, not as bad a show as I was expecting. The last 3 matches were pretty good, but so much of this PPV are matches that don’t matter. It’s a lot of filler before the Dungeon Match.

Ready for another Survivor Series? This one was so forgettable that I never see anybody talk about it, not even to talk shit about it. Survivor Series 1993.

 

[Sky]

I see a few people shitting on Survivor Series 1993 tbf... with Crush from the very foreign land of Hawaii on an anti-USA team, the fiasco of Shawn Michaels taking up Jerry Lawler's feud, and whatever that Four Doinks match was

 

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 1993

Match 1: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Razor Ramon, Randy Savage, 1-2-3 Kid & Marty Jannetty def. I.R.S, Diesel, Rick Martel & Adam Bomb (26:58)

I was pleasantly surprised by this opener. I didn’t have super high expectations for it but it manages to deliver. The only drawback is that I do think it goes too long. But it has a surprising final 4. Some time passes before the first elimination is made, but Savage gets the hot tag and goes wild on all his opponents, before he hits Diesel with an Elbow to eliminate the big man first which was shocking. Savage is the next eliminated in a spot that makes him look like an absolute buffoon. He’s feuding with Crush at this point I guess and Crush comes out to distract Savage, and while he’s distracted, he’s rolled up by I.R.S. and he’s out. I.R.S. is next as he’s eliminated by Razor Ramon. Then chaos unfolds and everyone begins fighting in the ring and Razor lifts Martel up for a Razor’s Edge, but while the referee is distracted, I.R.S. hits Razor in the face with his briefcase. Razor rolls outside and gets counted out. Both team captains have been eliminated, leaving the underdogs, The Kid and Jannetty against Martel and Adam Bomb. Interesting way to end things really. Adam Bomb really bullies Kid whenever they’re in the ring together. Kid attempts a suicide dive on Bomb, but he’s caught and body slammed on the outside. Martel gets back in and he’s eliminated after Kid sunset flips him out of the corner. Bomb runs in and Kid immediately runs over to tag Jannetty, and Jannetty sunset flips over Adam Bomb and the babyface team wins. The match goes too long. They do waste time in order to get to this length, but they keep it interesting long enough and it has a hot finish.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 2: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The Hart Family (Bret, Owen, Bruce & Keith) def. Shawn Michaels & His Knights (30:57)

As Sky pointed out, it was supposed to be Jerry Lawler in place of Shawn Michaels, but Lawler had been a bad boy and got suspended. Now, I was hoping that Bret, Owen and Shawn would be able to carry everyone else, but sadly, this match is pretty boring. There’s a couple times where Bruce looks absolutely lost. The first match was 27 minutes, but that time passed fairly quickly. I felt all 31 minutes of this match. They did not need to go as long as they did to tell the story they tell. Owen manages to eliminate 2 knights and Bret eliminates 1. Leaving Shawn all alone with 4 Hart brothers. Some miscommunication between Owen and Bret causes Owen to be eliminated and he’s the only man eliminated from the Hart Family. Bret goes to put Shawn in the Sharpshooter, but Shawn gets out of it and says “screw you guys, I’m going home,” and gets counted out. As the Hart’s celebrate, Owen comes back out and pushes Bret, shouting in his face and they all try to calm him down but nothing is working. Owen is pissed. Of course, this will lead to that amazing feud between Owen and Bret in 1994.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: SMW Tag Team Championship Match - The Heavenly Bodies def. The Rock ‘N’ Roll Express (c) (13:41)

The Smokey Mountain Wrestling Titles are on the line. And the only SMW match I’ve seen isn’t even on one of their shows. This was a good match though at least. It’s your classic tag team match with good teamwork. The Rock N Roll Express are in control early, they use double teams and whenever The Bodies try to turn things around, the Express are one step ahead of them. You could say the bodies hit the FLOOOOOOOOOOOR! Eventually, they turn things around and they isolate Ricky Morton from Gibson. They get their classic hot tag in. But the Bodies use cheatery tactics as Jim Cornette tosses his racket to Jimmy Del Ray and he comes off the top rope with it to hit Gibson in the head while the referee is distracted. And the Heavenly Bodies come out the winners.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 4: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The Four Doinks (Men on a Mission & The Bushwhackers) def. Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger & The Headshrinkers (10:58)

What the fuck… What the fuck was this? They advertise this match as Doink teaming up with 3 versions of himself. So what do they do. They put The Bushwhackers and Men on a Mission in some Doink facepaint and none of them are as interesting as the actual Doink. I don’t know if Matt Borne was still around in the build up, but he definitely wasn’t during this show because it’s a different voice behind Doink post match. This is a comedy match basically, but I don’t laugh a single time. The doinks eliminate Samu after they give him a balloon filled with water. Samu bites into it and it splashes over him and he gets rolled up. Bastion Booger is next. He has one of the Bushwhackers pinned, but he gets distracted by bananas and it’s at this point where I’m wondering when the funny part is supposed to happen. The Bushwhackers do their ramming headbutt spot and eliminate Bastion. Fatu is next to go, and he looks like an even bigger dumbass than Bastion, because he has one of the Bushwhackers pinned. But gets up to eat a banana, drops the peel on the mat and slips over it and he’s stacked up. And I felt so bad for Bam Bam. This is such a fucking waste of his talents! He gets ganged up on by the Doinks. Mabel drops a splash on him and they all pile on him, as if having Mabel laying on top of you wasn’t bad enough. You deserved better, Bam Bam.

My Rating: DUD

Main Event: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The All Americans (Lex Luger, The Undertaker & The Steiner Brothers) def. The Foreign Fanatics (Yokozuna, Ludvig Borga, Crush & Jacques) (28:02)

If I were to use one word to describe this match, it would be exhausting. This was such a chore to sit through. As Sky also pointed out, Crush was an American on an Anti-American team, but to be fair, that was 50% of Team Canada on Survivor Series ‘97 as well. It’s kinda funny when you think about it. Luger and Undertaker are hardly in the match, and Rick Steiner is eliminated first, so there is a lot of Scott Steiner in this match, which isn’t so bad. But it makes Luger and Taker look like bad partners. Taker doesn’t get in until we’re 20 minutes into the match. Crush gets distracted by Savage. He gets dropkicked over the ropes by Scott, and Crush goes up the entrance way towards Savage instead of getting back in and he gets counted out. Lex Luger eliminates Jacques and Scott is eliminated after a leg drop from Yoko. Now it’s 2 on 2. But Undertaker finally gets in and he goes at it with Yokozuna. And if Yoko gets any offense in, Taker just sits up. They eventually go outside and they both get counted out. And we’re left with Luger and Ludvig Borga. And they go at it for 5 minutes before Luger hits Borga with the forearm and wins it. America wins again! Hooray I guess!

My Rating: **

Cagematch Rating: 4.55

My Rating: 3.5/10

This show has two really good matches, but most of this show feels so exhausting. They had 4 Survivor Series Matches on this show that got WAAAAAAAAAAY too much time. That main event felt so draining to watch. And that Doink match was the shortest match on the card, but it manages to be the most irritating.

From an American team to an American PPV, we're heading to capital of the US with Capitol Punishment 2011